I never knew the LOVE I’d have for our Birth Mom…she is simply amazing

Birth Mom…when you first read that what does it mean to you? What is your definition? What are your first initial feelings when you read Birth Mom? My first thoughts when it came to reading the word Birth Mom was fear. Fear about: what if she doesn’t like me? What if we don’t get along? What if she wants to be really involved with all decisions? What if she doesn’t like Hunter? What if her family doesn’t like us? So much fear in the unknown when I first heard the word Birth Mom.

You guys….my fear was STUPID!!!

Our story started out with putting our trust and faith in God. He already knew who our birth mom would be, who our child would be and when we would get to meet both. He knew it all! Me being human and fearful forgot about that until I started reading a devotional (Tandem: Adopting with God in the Lead) <– highly recommend! Anyways, once I put the fear of the unknown behind me things just started to happen, as you’ve read in past posts.

Our birth mom is AMAZING! I can say that I will never know that level of love she has for Wyatt, she made the decision for adoption. Her relationship with God helped her with that decision and let her know that he already had a family for her picked as well. The Expectant Parent Advocate she worked with at the agency really helped her with her counseling and coming to this decision. I’ve never said anything negative about her; she is a strong – wonderful – kind – amazing person and I am so thankful she is in our life. I won’t ever be able to put into the words the love I have for her, the respect I have for her and how protective I feel about her and her family. Don’t mess with this Momma Bear!

I have heard so many people talk so negatively about birth families, talking about their past or judging them for their decisions. It breaks my heart for those birth families, they chose to make a decision for the best interest of their child.

We just had a family birthday party for Mr. Jonah Wyatt last weekend. She came over to the house with one of her sons and her really great boyfriend. We watched the Vikings game, let the boys all play together, ate cupcakes opened presents and took some pictures. It has NEVER been awkward or uncomfortable – they are part of my family and our relationship has been so easy over the past year.

On this day last year….we got to meet little baby Wyatt for the FIRST TIME! On this day last year she told us she wanted us to be his parents! On this day last year my heart burst with the most amazing amount of love for her and for him and for our families growing together.

You guys, this past year has been an amazing ride and I can’t WAIT to see what happens for our family in 2020!

” May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13 

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Holy Cow — We’re OFFICIALLY on the waiting family list!!!

adoption_roadmap_04_find_birthmothers-791x1024Yup that’s right! We are officially a waiting family!!!! I can’t believe it and we are SOOO excited! I know, I know, I know…it can take YEARS to be picked by a birth family BUT this means that we CAN be picked and all the stress of filling out piles of paperwork and getting our finger prints and health physicals and interviews with social workers and everything else has been signed off on and we are OFFICIALLY APPROVED!

So now what…well we wait and continue to pray for our birth family and baby (or babies) to find us. We continue on house projects, adding to the nursery, finishing the basement, fencing in the backyard – there is always going to be an endless ‘to do list’ and I feel more comfortable waiting for our baby now. It was always a “hurry up and wait” feeling but I’m ok with it and I have a peace about it. We know that God always has our little one (ones) picked out for us and he is working in our hearts as well as the birth families heart – we will connect and click and it’s going to be an amazingly awesome adventure.

Speaking of the nursery and house projects…HUGE thank you to my older brother Nick for his help with creating my accent wall 🙂 I absolutely love the way it turned out! Dark walls with white furniture and a whitewashed wood plank wall, and as a fan of Harry Potter – a quote from Albus Dumbledore to add to the room. Right now it is being used at Hunter’s toy room while we finish the basement (it’s been a REALLY slow process waiting for people to come in and do their part). Hunter doesn’t call it his toy room he calls it the baby’s room. “Hold on mom, I need to go to the baby’s room” or “can I go play in the baby’s room” — I love it, he’s ready for a sibling – and if you ask him if he’d like to have a brother or sister, he’ll say sister.

Ryan and I are already going through names and talking about what their personality will be like. How Hunter will react and how awesome it’s going to be. The journey of infertility is not an easy road and for a lot of people it can really break up a marriage or it can bring you closer. I’ve said it before, for Ryan and I, it has only brought us closer. Now going through adoption and having social workers in our home and really deep diving into our financials, pasts and family dynamics it can be stressful and take it’s toll as well. But again, it’s only brought us closer together and both of us feel like this is where we are supposed do be and this is how our family is created. Not how we ever thought our family would be formed but it’s exciting and it’s been an adventure to get here and it will only continue to get better.

Pics of the nursery progress 🙂

If you are just starting out on the adoption adventure of if you have been waiting for a while, I really recommend reading Tandem: A Devotional for Adopting with God at the Lead. It is an amazing devotional and the way that Alison writes, I think she I could be great friends. PLUS she has a Facebook support group you can join and the families on there are truly, truly amazing. The stories that are shared and the different situations others have been in, it’s just really nice to know that you aren’t alone in this and that there are others in the same spot that you can lean on.

So if anyone has any other great options for devotionals to get through a waiting period in your life, I’m welcome to ALL suggestions! Or, if you have any tips on helping to not dwell on waiting let me know! I’ve started a Mary Kay business to help with financials as well as keep myself busy, plus I love meeting new people and sharing our story. There are so many out there who are on the same journey.

Until next time!

~ Saying Hello & Goodbye ~

Today is a HUGE mix of emotions – both happy and sad, excited and heartbroken. I know sounds a little confusing but let me explain…

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Happy & Excited: Today we meet with our adoption coordinator for our first Home Study interview! The house is somewhat in order as much as possible 🙂 I’ve started redoing the nursery and putting things away to be somewhat organized and starting to do a little more painting and finishing up other projects. The basement is still in the works and we have met with contractors on the bathroom and also plumbers on what we need to move. We are making slow progress but it’s still progress.

 

 

Sad & Heartbroken: Last night I packed up all my IVF needles and got rid of them. The trash came this morning and they are gone forever. It’s hard to still wrap my head around being done with that adventure. I cried a little, not as much as I thought I would but I’m still not done processing it. Now when I look in the closet I see an open space where they used to be, that was a little hard this morning.

BUT Big Changes are headed this way! Last night my devotional was about the Home Study and writing a Profile — new challenges. How do I ‘sell’ our family to a prospective birth family? How do I show them the love that we have to give their child in a book or an online profile? Hoping to get a few answers today while meeting with Stephanie. Looking forward to the next steps and moving along!

Wish us luck and to calm our hearts today!

Best thing to do is smile through it all…

Sometimes life just sucks but you have to keep smiling! We’ve all been there, you take two steps forward and then get sucker punched and end up fifteen steps back. Right now that is exactly how we feel with all of these house issues while also trying to navigate the adoption process. We get one thing figured out and in the process with the house end up finding that five other things now need to be fixed and updated to meet code regulations. But since we feel that we are nice people we are going to make sure that everything is done right, safe without future issues for us or anyone else who lives in this house.

So, what’s been going on since the last time I was on here?

House: mold has all been taken care of (thanks to 24 Restore), fully mitigated and we are able to move about the house 🙂 Whoohoo! Also had an additional air quality test done and we passed with flying colors – we had air scrubbers in the house for almost three weeks, worth it knowing that we don’t have mold floating around the house anymore. We also just had a drain tile system installed this week and had the ‘Cadillac’ of sump pumps installed, want to make sure that this doesn’t happen again. We are very happy with the company that we used and HIGHLY recommend them (Innovative Basement Systems). Drain Tile Progress

Sump Pump

Bathroom: the bathroom has been ‘fun’ to work through. The tub that was down was cast iron…If you’re not familiar what that it is….it pretty much just means it’s freak’n heavy!!! My dad came over to help me get it moved out into the dumpster. Now I’m not a tall person at all (5’0″) so trying to get this thing out and up the stairs to the front of the house was NO easy task. But with a little help and creative thinking (plus Ryan came home from work while we were doing this) we were all able to get it out! No more ugly black bath tub, black toilet and lovely black vanity and matching sink….I’m all for the color black, but even for me this was a little much in such a small space. Took up all the tile and ripped down walls. Goodbye bathroom…

Bathroom

Adoption: We’ve attended two webinars – these are part of the required hours that we need to have during the second phase of the process. I think that we need to have 30 hours of parenting classes. Seems a little silly to be taking all of these classes, but I’ve gained little nuggets from each one. This is what we’ve done so far:

  1. Trust Based Parenting – Behavior Matching
  2. Trust Based Parenting – Depression After Adoption

We have five other prerecorded classes that we need to take for credit as well as one more all day class specific to Domestic Infant Adoption. I’ve also continued with my devotional: Tandem a devotional for Adopting with God in the Lead this is a great devotional I really feel that Alison (author) and I could be great friends. I love the way that she wraps in scripture with her story, it has really helped me feel more relaxed and able to just ‘go with the flow’. Truly an amazing book.

Books

Also picked up The Connected Child – I haven’t started this book yet, but it was recommended by the class leaders as well as a couple from church who have adopted all of their children (domestic and international). I’m excited to read this one and learn a little more about the process and some things to expect.

All of us have had our physicals needed for the adoption, as well as filling out the remaining documents – I will be turning these in on Monday — excited to check one more step off the list!

Life: Life, life, life….well it’s always busy! I had a perfect Mother’s Day last weekend. Started of with ‘sleeping in’ — meaning I was able to lay in bed longer without being jumped on by a two year old monster 🙂 made breakfast, then went off to the Children’s Museum. We’ve never been there so this was a first for all of us. Hunter LOVED the little Mail Room that they have as well as the Fire Station. He was thrilled to play in the water table (good thing for extra clothes) and with some ping pong balls and air compressors. All in all it was a great day. Got some pretty sweet gifts too.

Hunter Worms

I absolutely love being a mom – Hunter keeps me on my toes but I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Finished painting his room and adding some decorations, as well as started the upstairs bathroom – bright yellow and dinosaurs. Still working on that room — when I’m stressed I need to work on projects, I don’t like to sit still. I’ve pretty much finished the kitchen and living room. I was going to work on the nursery but that has a lot of stuff from the basement since we had to move everything up stairs. So the bathroom it is 🙂 Tomorrow I need to pick up small nails for some of the art work I’m adding.

What’s next on the to-do list?

Duct Work: waiting for an appointment with Innovative Basements (different division) to fill the duct lines that are UNDER the basement flooring — NO idea what they were thinking in the 70’s — they will fill them so they won’t fill with water any more and cause any other issues. Install new duct work via the ceiling (as it should be) in the basement family room, bedroom and bathroom.

Basement Bathroom: working with a contractor on getting things going in the bathroom — you have no idea how important it is having two toilets in the house until you’re back down to one! We are starting to move forward with this area, had the contractor out as well as a plumber out today. Waiting to hear back on costs.

Basement Bedroom: finish taking out the old carpet tack strips, rebuild a few walls

Basement Family Room: Rebuild, rebuild, rebuild….

Adoption: turn in our phase two paperwork and set up our interview times with our adoption specialist! Very excited about this — means we are getting one step closer 🙂

One thing at a time….when I feel like breaking down and giving up I’m reminded that I’m not alone in this adventure. All I need to do is look up, thank God that we are alive, healthy and able to enjoy the life that we have. It is hard to do this some days but whatever trials we are going through right now are for a reason — we don’t know what that is yet but in time we will. My mom made a pretty amazing observation the other day when I went to her work pissed off at the world and ready to cry (which I don’t do) because we found more issues with the basement once they started jack-hammering the concrete – she said that the baby God has planned for us isn’t here yet and that we need to get these things done before he will reveal who that baby is. I truly believe this – our hearts are ready but our house isn’t, but soon enough it will be done and we continue to pray that once it is we will be able to meet our newest little person.

 

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