Do you find it easy to find joy in the journey? I used to struggle with this, there was a time when I was angry, depressed and didn’t understand why things were going the way they were even though I was putting in 110% of myself….well guess what….I wasn’t putting myself and trust in the right place. Ryan and I have talked about this sooooo many times and looking back now and seeing how much we’ve grown in our faith, our own personal development and as husband and wife – kinda makes us kick ourselves for not figuring it out sooner! We’re not in control.
We have been on a crazy ride together, we haven’t always leaned on Christ to help us through and it shows! But everything changed in an instant, like a light was turned on once we started going to church regularly, attended a small group, growing more in our own faith and then together as a couple. Infertility is no joke, and it will test you in ways you never could imagine. It breaks up couples, it causes depression, anxiety and anger, it makes you think things you’ve never wanted, you learn things that you never knew you needed to know; and with it usually comes loss…Loss of a relationship, loss of a child, loss of part of yourself, loss of the hope you’ve been clinging to…
I am here to tell you…you can get through it and come out stronger than you’ve ever been before! Ryan and I agree that if we didn’t have a relationship with Christ, we wouldn’t have made it through all of this. Yes, it still hurt. Yes, part of us feels like it’s missing. Yes, we still think and cry about the babies we’ve loss.
Without the loss we wouldn’t have the AMAZING little family we are blessed with. We have two CRAZY little monsters who keep us on our toes daily! To the point where we no longer have chairs around our table because Wyatt kept climbing them and climbing onto the table. Baby gates are going to be something of the past real quick too…he’s learning how to climb those right now (big brothers are so much fun!).
Anyways…in other news…we will be celebrating a HUGE event at the end of this month….Jonah Wyatt’s adoption day!!!!! Yup….one year ago on May 31, 2019 we stood before a judge and our family and friends to finalize his adoption, officially becoming a Paddock. Can you believe it?!?! So much has happened over the last year – 2019 was fully of adventures as a family of four.
2020 has gotten a little strange with COVID-19 going on right now. This has kinda put a bit of a damper on the celebration we had planned at the end of the month. We were hoping to have all the family and friends over to celebrate his one year birthday and one year adoption day. But, we are needing to do things a little differently. Not what I had hoped for, planned for, wished for – but guess what….that’s life! You can’t plan everything out, as much as I’d love to be able to do that, it has taken a lot to finally get it though my head that I’m not in control.
Working from home COVID-19 style…
So this year we will be splitting his celebration into two days for those who are comfortable gathering together. We will grill hot dogs/burgers, play on the ninja course, play set, hang out and just visit with each other here at the house. Being away from other people starts to mess with your head after a while, I’m the kind of person who needs interaction with my family – I miss them and I’m looking forward to seeing everyone as socially acceptable as possible to celebrate Wyatt.
In conclusion of my initial thought…
Our family is beautiful, our family was chosen for us before we even knew what it would look like, without loss we wouldn’t have Hunter, without loss we wouldn’t have met the most amazing birth mom and adopted a beautiful little boy, without loss we wouldn’t have the relationship we have with each other or Christ. Also, without loss we wouldn’t be able to witness to so many other couples going through infertility, loss or adoption.
James 1:2-3 – Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.
Jeremiah 29:11 – For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Romans 12:12 – Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Romans 15:13 – May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Proverbs 17:22 – A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones
Everything happens for a reason, it’s up to us to Find JOY in the Journey where ever it ends up taking us.